Control...ALT..DELETE....

Well its almost that time of year again...wait it IS that time of year again! That time where good feelings are abound...thankfulness is abundant and people seem to be more giving and happy..Yes its that season...Well then why in THE world do I feel sooo not happy atm?? Hmmm lets see...yes..yes you guess it..its the bf...Don't know what to think about this...been getting alot of advice and opinions about the whole thing...Without putting too much out there...the bf's issues have crepted (I know that's spelled wrong..but who cares?? Its MY blog..digressing tho..) up yet again only this time it was worse than ever..THe last MONTH has been pure-de-hell..and we almost broke up numerous times...He told me something that hurt me to my heart and frankly Im having the toughest time trying to get over it...or at least work thru it. He tells me he loves me but I just can NOT see it with his attitude. So finally we talked to his mentor who happens to be a pastor and I thought this would help but alas it doesn't seem like it has. I haven't a clue (well..that's a lie..I do) what to do cause my mind is telling me one thing and my heart another. ANd if it keeps going the way its going..my heart will soon be saying the same thing my mind is. Been getting alot of advice from ppl. Needless to say my mom is not to thrilled about the latest developments..not too thrilled AT all! To DD and EP..thank you for your to-the-point, no holds barred opinions and prayer...I really appreciate it. This is something I wish was easy. If I could just go back to the beginning when we first met and start over..maybe not jump sooo deeply in with my emotions..this would probably be alot easier. Sad part is that I still love him and care for him so letting go harder than I thought it would be. Sometimes I wanna erase or get a "do over" like we used to in grade school...because Im not fairing too well. I know the bf has to go thru some..well alot of this on his own because God is trying to get thru to him but I wish I didn't have to watch..its painful sometimes..It sure would be nice to have those buttons where you can start over or reboot...**siigh** keep praying for me ya'll...