Another week in April..

Into another week...and this week...Friday to be exact...I have my surgery to get that blasted Gallbladder out. I must say I wasn't nervous until last nite...I mean it's only supposed to laparscopic but it could turning into me waking up with a 6-7inch scar! God..I hope not. The bf is supposed to come try and see me but he's having ride issues. I would love it if he did tho, but can't be upset if he doesn't. He is trying. Oh he finally got into wrestling camp...starts the week after. I soo want to go see him wrestle but I don't know if I'll be able to drive quite yet. We spent allll day yesterday together, saw Clash of the Titans (awesome movie btw) shopped and just basically was together. I truely believe that this man..with all his issues..really loves me. I mean I know that he still has a ways to go but I can honestly say that I can't imagine myself without him in my life. His sincereness is what is holding me to him..and now he really is trying and I can't fault him for that. I am learning to just be patient and he is talking more...The only thing is that I wish Mom could see it. She doesn't and has basically stopped talking to me about him and I just rather not say too much about it either cus all i get is looks and sighs and I just don't wanna deal with that at the moment. Its gonna be a minute before we (me and him) jump into anything like engagement much less marriage because we both know there are things that need to be in order first. I finally told the bf how my mom feels and he didn't take that too well but i felt i needed to tell him. Hopefully she'll come around. Anyway everything else is okay. That's about it for now, will write again post surgery...

April showers...Maybe not

Well April is here and so far it's starting off pretty good. Just got done doing a major Easter production at my church and I must say I had a blast! Of course I played a Demon...AGAIN (why does that always happen??? I never get to play a good guy..hmm gotta wonder...but I digress...) It was good though, ALOT of ppl came! I made a grip of new friends and I am only gonna get more involved. Which that in itself is a good thing...keeps me from being so focused on other things....ya know what I mean? Im trying my darndest to Keep HIM first. Being in that production made me feel alive and that I was actually doing something for the Kingdom. The only down side is that my BF (dare I say that???) didn't come. He says his ride flaked on him but I couldnt help but be upset with him for a minute! Of course he'll never know that but I was! Then he turned around and wrote something sweet....really sweet on Facebook so everyone could see! Ugh! Sometimes I wanna break it off with him cus it can get so exhausting trying to get him to do anything and then there are times (alot of times) when I love being with him! I just wish he was move faster! He got upset with me a few days ago saying I'm always trying to psychoanalyze him, but it's because he has a real tough time talking about his feelings! I guess I should back off and Im trying! Mom is STILL not happy with the fact Im hanging with him and trying to make it work. She says she doesn't want me to cut it off with him but I seriously don't believe that. She be alot happier if I just didn't talk to him I bet. Im just trying to sort this all out in my head...I do love him and I wanna give him every chance in the world and he really hasn't done anything major since that fight for me to say "ya know..that's IT" And when he really drives me crazy...he turns around and does something really nice....IDK...Im still in the "Wait and see" mode. Its only been 3months almost 4...I did say 6months...soooo...Anyway I just know that I just can't turn it off quite yet! Im keeping my heart guarded for the most part (he don't know that) As far as praying about it...IIII dont know...I've tried but it seems like it's bouncing off the walls....I just don't believe that HE would allow someone like this in my life to give me a taste of what it could be like and then bam...all these problems pop up and I should drop him like a hot potato! I can't do it...at least not right now! I know he has great potential...if only it could be cracked...like I said...6months...6months...hopefully things would be progressing. They are sllllllloooowwwly, he is trying to talk more. And I can't make him be more spiritual either..heck IM not even there...so it's still "we'll see"

As far as the other news...surgery is this month...Apr 16th to be exact...not too thrilled bout that...only good thing is that I get a whole week off to recuperate! Dang I STILL have to tell my DAD and grandma...gotta call them like ASAP! Sometimes this life of mine is sooo exhausting...