New Beginning....

New outlook...New behavior...new beginning...Im estactic! The bf (yes he's "in") has stepped up to the plate! Yesterday was Father's Day and I got a promise ring!!! Im so happy I could cry! I almost did! I can't wait to see what God has in store! Stay tuned!

June blues...

Well just broke up with bf...a week short of 6months...bummed..that's all

May Flowers?

Well May is here and I finally got to post something! First off the surgery went well..altho the heartburn and nausea STILL like to visit but I guess that's what I have to deal with. I just now I have to watch I what I eat. I can get away with eating a little bit of my fries but now I can't get be a glutton like I was (lol) In other events (sound like a news cast..but I digress) The BF and me are really doing good. We have passed the 5mon mark and heading toward our sixth. He is finally really starting to open up to me more and yes TALK!!! I am soo happy underneath. So he is progressing..it may be it slow but it's movement! I swear I fall in Love with him more and more everyday..YES I said LOVE. I do love him...and he does treat me pretty good. We talk EVERY day and if I told you how many TEXTs we do...it's well into the 4000's! He was supposed to go with us to NY but alas his neice is graduating the exact same day so that was out. Mom I know still has a slight prob with me being with him but hopefully she will come around. Anyway so all is pretty well in that dept...oh one more thing..we went alllll the way to Rome, Ga to meet up with the BF's best friend and his family he hadn't seen in like 10yrs. And I must say it was the happiest I have ever seen him. I love that part of him..when he can just let go and be HIM...Went to his church that morning (great message btw) and then headed out there. And when I say "out there" I mean OUT THERE. I swear this dude lives in BFE and hick country! I even saw a van on blocks! WHO has a VAN on Blocks????? LOL But once we got there it all fine. One of my fav things is their cat who "silent meows" He opens his mouth and looks like he's meowing but NO sound comes out. Its the funniest thing! So I really had a good time, best part was seeing the BF estatically happy to see his boy! Made driving to no-mans land all the worth-while. Well gonna bounce..hopefully I can squeeze in another post later in this month!

Another week in April..

Into another week...and this week...Friday to be exact...I have my surgery to get that blasted Gallbladder out. I must say I wasn't nervous until last nite...I mean it's only supposed to laparscopic but it could turning into me waking up with a 6-7inch scar! God..I hope not. The bf is supposed to come try and see me but he's having ride issues. I would love it if he did tho, but can't be upset if he doesn't. He is trying. Oh he finally got into wrestling camp...starts the week after. I soo want to go see him wrestle but I don't know if I'll be able to drive quite yet. We spent allll day yesterday together, saw Clash of the Titans (awesome movie btw) shopped and just basically was together. I truely believe that this man..with all his issues..really loves me. I mean I know that he still has a ways to go but I can honestly say that I can't imagine myself without him in my life. His sincereness is what is holding me to him..and now he really is trying and I can't fault him for that. I am learning to just be patient and he is talking more...The only thing is that I wish Mom could see it. She doesn't and has basically stopped talking to me about him and I just rather not say too much about it either cus all i get is looks and sighs and I just don't wanna deal with that at the moment. Its gonna be a minute before we (me and him) jump into anything like engagement much less marriage because we both know there are things that need to be in order first. I finally told the bf how my mom feels and he didn't take that too well but i felt i needed to tell him. Hopefully she'll come around. Anyway everything else is okay. That's about it for now, will write again post surgery...

April showers...Maybe not

Well April is here and so far it's starting off pretty good. Just got done doing a major Easter production at my church and I must say I had a blast! Of course I played a Demon...AGAIN (why does that always happen??? I never get to play a good guy..hmm gotta wonder...but I digress...) It was good though, ALOT of ppl came! I made a grip of new friends and I am only gonna get more involved. Which that in itself is a good thing...keeps me from being so focused on other things....ya know what I mean? Im trying my darndest to Keep HIM first. Being in that production made me feel alive and that I was actually doing something for the Kingdom. The only down side is that my BF (dare I say that???) didn't come. He says his ride flaked on him but I couldnt help but be upset with him for a minute! Of course he'll never know that but I was! Then he turned around and wrote something sweet....really sweet on Facebook so everyone could see! Ugh! Sometimes I wanna break it off with him cus it can get so exhausting trying to get him to do anything and then there are times (alot of times) when I love being with him! I just wish he was move faster! He got upset with me a few days ago saying I'm always trying to psychoanalyze him, but it's because he has a real tough time talking about his feelings! I guess I should back off and Im trying! Mom is STILL not happy with the fact Im hanging with him and trying to make it work. She says she doesn't want me to cut it off with him but I seriously don't believe that. She be alot happier if I just didn't talk to him I bet. Im just trying to sort this all out in my head...I do love him and I wanna give him every chance in the world and he really hasn't done anything major since that fight for me to say "ya know..that's IT" And when he really drives me crazy...he turns around and does something really nice....IDK...Im still in the "Wait and see" mode. Its only been 3months almost 4...I did say 6months...soooo...Anyway I just know that I just can't turn it off quite yet! Im keeping my heart guarded for the most part (he don't know that) As far as praying about it...IIII dont know...I've tried but it seems like it's bouncing off the walls....I just don't believe that HE would allow someone like this in my life to give me a taste of what it could be like and then bam...all these problems pop up and I should drop him like a hot potato! I can't do it...at least not right now! I know he has great potential...if only it could be cracked...like I said...6months...6months...hopefully things would be progressing. They are sllllllloooowwwly, he is trying to talk more. And I can't make him be more spiritual either..heck IM not even there...so it's still "we'll see"

As far as the other news...surgery is this month...Apr 16th to be exact...not too thrilled bout that...only good thing is that I get a whole week off to recuperate! Dang I STILL have to tell my DAD and grandma...gotta call them like ASAP! Sometimes this life of mine is sooo exhausting...

Not over...Round two

Well it wasn't as "over" as I thought. Turns out he really wants to be with me. Texted me the night after I wrote the last post, profoundly apologetic. Said he didn't realize how much he loved me until that point. He was feeling smothered and didn't know how to tell me and when I pressed him, he shut down. Still no excuse for how he treated me but he wants to change...sooo...gave him another chance. Why, you say? Because I do believe I love him too...I mean really love him. Now my mother does not agree with me because "he has alot of issues" and yes I know that too but how can I say no when he asked for another chance? I really wanna see if this is gonna work altho at times, I do admit I have my doubts. Some things we are sooo different in but he makes me feel so wanted and loved. This past Saturday, we went out...after two weeks of not seeing one another and it was nice. No details but it was nice...(even got flowers...so he IS trying) This Sunday and Next he is goin to church with me...so that's a step in the right direction. I'm not saying its set in stone that he's IT...but we'll see... More later...

In other news...guess who has to get her gallbladder out...Oh "yay" More stress I don't need...but it is what it is and gotta get it done...oh well...

Over and done with...Already

**Sigh**Well just as quick as it begun it's over...As of yesterday...I am no longer in a relationship. We broke up yesterday. And trust me...It wasn't because I wanted to. He is all around sweet person but he has MAJOR issues, especially with communication. And i got a glimpse of how cold and callous he can be. I couldnt handle it. So now, Im single...AGAIN. It really sucks because I had a great time when him, he was so cool but the minute I wanted to talk deep with him, he got annoyed. And this time I really told him about it and he basically shut down...and dismissed me! Anyway, I told him if he wanted to talk to me he knows my number! I doubt seriously he's gonna ever call me again but hey, Its his LOSS. Sure I bawled like a baby, sure I feel like major CRAP right now but I will get over it! It was only 2 1/2 months that we were together so I WILL get OVER IT!!! Still I miss him...alot...

Other news, I guess is that a got a new phone! Its pretty tight too! I still trying to figure out all the features but its pretty tight! Anyway, that's all for now...Trying to keep my mind off of him...Ugh, this sucks...