Another week in April..

Into another week...and this week...Friday to be exact...I have my surgery to get that blasted Gallbladder out. I must say I wasn't nervous until last nite...I mean it's only supposed to laparscopic but it could turning into me waking up with a 6-7inch scar! God..I hope not. The bf is supposed to come try and see me but he's having ride issues. I would love it if he did tho, but can't be upset if he doesn't. He is trying. Oh he finally got into wrestling camp...starts the week after. I soo want to go see him wrestle but I don't know if I'll be able to drive quite yet. We spent allll day yesterday together, saw Clash of the Titans (awesome movie btw) shopped and just basically was together. I truely believe that this man..with all his issues..really loves me. I mean I know that he still has a ways to go but I can honestly say that I can't imagine myself without him in my life. His sincereness is what is holding me to him..and now he really is trying and I can't fault him for that. I am learning to just be patient and he is talking more...The only thing is that I wish Mom could see it. She doesn't and has basically stopped talking to me about him and I just rather not say too much about it either cus all i get is looks and sighs and I just don't wanna deal with that at the moment. Its gonna be a minute before we (me and him) jump into anything like engagement much less marriage because we both know there are things that need to be in order first. I finally told the bf how my mom feels and he didn't take that too well but i felt i needed to tell him. Hopefully she'll come around. Anyway everything else is okay. That's about it for now, will write again post surgery...

April showers...Maybe not

Well April is here and so far it's starting off pretty good. Just got done doing a major Easter production at my church and I must say I had a blast! Of course I played a Demon...AGAIN (why does that always happen??? I never get to play a good guy..hmm gotta wonder...but I digress...) It was good though, ALOT of ppl came! I made a grip of new friends and I am only gonna get more involved. Which that in itself is a good thing...keeps me from being so focused on other things....ya know what I mean? Im trying my darndest to Keep HIM first. Being in that production made me feel alive and that I was actually doing something for the Kingdom. The only down side is that my BF (dare I say that???) didn't come. He says his ride flaked on him but I couldnt help but be upset with him for a minute! Of course he'll never know that but I was! Then he turned around and wrote something sweet....really sweet on Facebook so everyone could see! Ugh! Sometimes I wanna break it off with him cus it can get so exhausting trying to get him to do anything and then there are times (alot of times) when I love being with him! I just wish he was move faster! He got upset with me a few days ago saying I'm always trying to psychoanalyze him, but it's because he has a real tough time talking about his feelings! I guess I should back off and Im trying! Mom is STILL not happy with the fact Im hanging with him and trying to make it work. She says she doesn't want me to cut it off with him but I seriously don't believe that. She be alot happier if I just didn't talk to him I bet. Im just trying to sort this all out in my head...I do love him and I wanna give him every chance in the world and he really hasn't done anything major since that fight for me to say "ya know..that's IT" And when he really drives me crazy...he turns around and does something really nice....IDK...Im still in the "Wait and see" mode. Its only been 3months almost 4...I did say 6months...soooo...Anyway I just know that I just can't turn it off quite yet! Im keeping my heart guarded for the most part (he don't know that) As far as praying about it...IIII dont know...I've tried but it seems like it's bouncing off the walls....I just don't believe that HE would allow someone like this in my life to give me a taste of what it could be like and then bam...all these problems pop up and I should drop him like a hot potato! I can't do it...at least not right now! I know he has great potential...if only it could be cracked...like I said...6months...6months...hopefully things would be progressing. They are sllllllloooowwwly, he is trying to talk more. And I can't make him be more spiritual either..heck IM not even there...so it's still "we'll see"

As far as the other news...surgery is this month...Apr 16th to be exact...not too thrilled bout that...only good thing is that I get a whole week off to recuperate! Dang I STILL have to tell my DAD and grandma...gotta call them like ASAP! Sometimes this life of mine is sooo exhausting...

Not over...Round two

Well it wasn't as "over" as I thought. Turns out he really wants to be with me. Texted me the night after I wrote the last post, profoundly apologetic. Said he didn't realize how much he loved me until that point. He was feeling smothered and didn't know how to tell me and when I pressed him, he shut down. Still no excuse for how he treated me but he wants to change...sooo...gave him another chance. Why, you say? Because I do believe I love him too...I mean really love him. Now my mother does not agree with me because "he has alot of issues" and yes I know that too but how can I say no when he asked for another chance? I really wanna see if this is gonna work altho at times, I do admit I have my doubts. Some things we are sooo different in but he makes me feel so wanted and loved. This past Saturday, we went out...after two weeks of not seeing one another and it was nice. No details but it was nice...(even got flowers...so he IS trying) This Sunday and Next he is goin to church with me...so that's a step in the right direction. I'm not saying its set in stone that he's IT...but we'll see... More later...

In other news...guess who has to get her gallbladder out...Oh "yay" More stress I don't need...but it is what it is and gotta get it done...oh well...

Over and done with...Already

**Sigh**Well just as quick as it begun it's over...As of yesterday...I am no longer in a relationship. We broke up yesterday. And trust me...It wasn't because I wanted to. He is all around sweet person but he has MAJOR issues, especially with communication. And i got a glimpse of how cold and callous he can be. I couldnt handle it. So now, Im single...AGAIN. It really sucks because I had a great time when him, he was so cool but the minute I wanted to talk deep with him, he got annoyed. And this time I really told him about it and he basically shut down...and dismissed me! Anyway, I told him if he wanted to talk to me he knows my number! I doubt seriously he's gonna ever call me again but hey, Its his LOSS. Sure I bawled like a baby, sure I feel like major CRAP right now but I will get over it! It was only 2 1/2 months that we were together so I WILL get OVER IT!!! Still I miss him...alot...

Other news, I guess is that a got a new phone! Its pretty tight too! I still trying to figure out all the features but its pretty tight! Anyway, that's all for now...Trying to keep my mind off of him...Ugh, this sucks...

New Year...ya I Know Im late!

2010...what can I say...It has started off FANTASTIC! I haven't written on here since August of Last year and Soooo much has happened since then. For one thing..the church I'm at is Awesome. It's Free Chapel in Gainesville. The pastor is Jenztsen Franklin ( I know that spelled wrong) Good preaching, good fellowship (even tho the church is HUGE) Good everything! I even joined the Drama group! Went on 21-day fast....nearly killed me but I did learn alot. As far as my professional life ( if you wanna call it that) I just passed my year mark at the job Im currently at. Its okay but I am trying to get back into school..I found out its harder than I thought. You see, I wanna go back to be a cardiovascular tech but the only school that seems to have wants 35 grand...which I can just pull outta my butt!!! I know I can do loans but I don't wanna...ugh...wish I could win the lottery so I can go back to dang school...but I digress. Imma just have to find a way back somehow. The BIG news is that I now have a boyfriend...YES>>>ME..with a MAN...Its still hard to believe. We met on a dating site...welll actually he sent me a message and it was funny cus I NEVER check the site and I got a notification that I had a message so I decided to check it. We started texting back and forth and then met up on DEC 11th 2009 at perimeter mall....(date I will never forget) And the rest is history. He has a bit of a past but who hasnt and I am willing to go on with him. He treats me so good and I have never felt like this for any man. And that includes DD and DH! This man makes me feel sooo loved and he accepts me for me...clumsiness, loudness and all! I think this is it but we have to keep HIM first (yes he's a christian..wouldnt have it ANY other way) There are some things that need to be worked out first so there will be NO kinda rushing at all. Im just in a happy place right now and I hope to God that six, 12, 24 months from now...i'll still be posting the same thing...I just feel that NO matter what..we are gonna be together. So 2010 has started off better than I expected, and far beyond what I had imagined and I hope it just keeps getting better and better...

And the year goes on...

Well August is here...don't know where June and July went.. I've had a pretty busy summer. For my Birthday went to Tampa to see my girl I hadn't seen in like ten years. It was great for the most part...we got into a little spat at the end but it worked out. Went BACK to Fla last month to stay at my aunties timeshare and hung out with another girlfriend who I hadnt seen in SIX years. In between that....well...lets say I broke a promise that I had been keeping and FeLT HORRIBLE for like two weeks...but I know Im forgiven and was reminded by a select few that Im human. I know now who I can count on to talk to. Stopped going to the singles ministry and now Im trying a new church which I like better. The ppl at the singles ministry...well the more I tried to be around them the more it seemed like I was trying to chase after them and Im NOT going thru THAT again. So back to day one...but it's all good. Join a dating site again out of sheer boredom and currently talking to someone who seems like a cool person...he's got a couple of issues to deal with (who doesnt) but seems like potential...we'll see what the future holds...Nothing much else...will update as it comes...2009...interesting year it's turning out to be...

May flowers??

Well it's MAY already..where is 2009 going??? Bit of news...joined the singles ministry and like it alot. Was going to become a member of the church today but chickened out last minute (you have to walk up front in front of the whole church) Normally Im not scared of doing something like that but this is a big decision and I don't wanna be doing this just cuz I wanna join the dance ministry soooo....Im hesistant. Ill keep praying...Oh met a man this week off of craigslist and he seemed like everything I wanted in a Godly man...But something was missing...I don't know but after Biblestudy that nite (that's where we met up) I haven't heard from him since and I was a lil upset at first but now Im not cuz there was no spark, no nothing. Maybe he was a little too serious for me, I don't know but it felt like I was running my mouth the whole time. Still talking to DDP2 and it's all good but still in the back of my mind, I know we could never be together. This mornings convo was proof enough of that. Job still Okay...almost got another one but that fell through (long story) I gotta keep my head up...This month supposed to go to FLA to see my old bud for memorial day and I can NOT wait. We've known each other for like 20yrs and I have yet to hang out with him! And then in June for my bday supposed to go BACK to FLA to tampa to hang out with my Old girlfriends from High school. Just got back in touch with them through Facebook. I swear that Facebook is mad addicting!! Im on it right now as I type! But I have reconnected with ALOT of my old HS friends and youth group friends! FOUND KK too on there! That was a happy moment. Now we text back and forth. That site sucks you in and doesnt let go! Alot of people are on Twitter too but I like Facebook better. Neway...im starting to ramble...just an update....not a book!